I am like a butterfly when I sell in a way that feels right

When I am selling in way that feels right I am like a butterfly

When I am selling in a way the feels right and gets results consistently I am like a colourful butterfly, gentle but bright. I know that I am looking for people who want to be the best they can be. They get a sense that some kind of change is needed or even inevitable. They want to discover what makes them tick, their patterns and their strengths. They want to be more of who they know they can be rather than trying to be like someone else.

I move around a lot sometimes I am up in the air and people can see me, and other times I settle quietly on some beautiful foliage. Either way I do find that I tend to attract just the right kind of people; they spot me in the crowd.  It might be my bright colours, or my enthusiasm and or my belief in what I do, but something makes them take notice, makes them want to come over to me and want to know more. I have noticed that I love and attract people who want to start a journey of personal development.

You see I am not a great starter or finisher but I am brilliant at evolving an idea. I am great at getting them out of their cocoon. I am not the one who has the idea, the dream I am just someone who holds the space to make things happen.

My ideal client often feels trapped or stuck. Perhaps you feel like you have some kind of barrier or block that is stopping you moving forward. That is something else my clients often want, it is that sense of wanting to move forward in some way.

It is only as I ask you questions or you ask yourself the questions that it becomes clearer to the both of us what is happening.

Now I know that I can’t open the cocoon because if I did that the butterfly would not have the strength to fly, it is the working it out and the working at it that builds the strengths of the butterfly to finally get out of the cocoon.

That is what I do. I hold that space until the butterfly is ready, until the butterfly has all the answers required to have a go at the next stage of development.   I attract independent people who want a safe space to explore what they are really like at their best, a safe space to be whoever they are meant to be. They don’t want to be smothered or helped, they simply don’t want to be on their own while they take the next step.

So selling in a way that feels right and gets results happens when I demonstrate that I am being who I want to be, it happens when I know the clients I can help and I stay in their sight ready whenever they are ready to share the next part of the journey. It happens when and only when that caterpillar is good and ready to start the process or the cocoon is ready to open.

So I wait for the time to be right for the client, I float and I hover so they can always see me but not necessarily hear me, they have a sense that I am there when they are ready. I already know and have confidence that what I do works, they already know it works they can see it or hear it or feel it. All I have to do is be there when the time is right for them.

From this faciltiated session I managed to establish 3 steps that work for me and they may work for you too. I know that there are steps before this and steps after this and that is for another day.

Step 1:Understanding and Belief

What needs to happen for you to believe and understand fully what you are selling?

What needs to happen for you to understand and believe in yourself that you can deliver what it says on the tin? ( It can often be as simple as changing what it says on the tin)

Step 2

Sell to people you love working with and sell things that you love

What kind of client is that client when you love working?

What kind of thing is that thing when you love selling it?

I invest a lot of time establishing with each of my team their own ideal client, what is happening when they are selling in a way that feels right and what is happening when their client is buying in a way that feels right.

Step 3

Patience

Consider what happens just before you buy in a way that feels right for you?

In my experience every0ne has their own buying process and their own way to do and if you push it you may get the sale in the moment but you rarely get the result you or they were looking for so in the long term the feel right factor diminshes.

What needs to happen for you to understand how your clients buy in a way that feels right for them?

Thank you to Tamsin Hartley of Lighthouse Coaching for facilitating the session that enabled me to gain the clarity to write this article you see until I took the time to model it out I did not really understand what I did when it worked. Now I am able to really focus my energy in the right direction.

If you would like to find out more about the questions that make the difference sign up here for the free report

or come and meet us at one of our events this month.

May events:

The Listening Post  18th May 2012  Gosport Hampshire 9.30am to 12.30am

Clean Conference 19th and 20th May 2012 London

Sheryl is speaking about selling clean in a way that feels right at 1.25 in Room 3A on the 19th May

The Listening Post teleclass 23rd May 2012 7.30pm to 8.30pm

The Coaching Cafe Fareham Hampshire  7.30pm to 9.30pm

Would you like to work out the steps that work for you?

Call us now 01329 286648

thank you for listening

Sheryl

Buying and selling in a way that feels right.

One of the biggest challenges we find our clients struggle with is selling in a way that feels right for them and for their clients.

What many people fail to recognise is that we are all unique, we all have a different model/decision-making process for buying and selling. So how can you possibly get it right for you and them.

The solution lies in the questions you ask and how well you listen. We run sessions for our clients to work in groups so that you can first and foremost understand what is happening when you buy in a way that feels right. Then you take the time to understand what happens when you sell in a way that feels right.

If you had a room full of 20 people how many do you think would have the same process?

The truth is I don’t know however, in my experience they often all different with some odd similarities. So it is no wonder we can feel like we are getting it wrong.

I am really excited about running a session about this at the Clean Conference this year. I will be writing up my findings then and I would love to add yours to the collection to compare. So please feel free to ask yourself these questions or pair with a buddy and send us your responses.

When I am selling in a way that feels right that is like what?

Write or record your response then notice what you notice. Select a word or a phrase and ask:

what kind of …….is that……….?

 

is there anything else about ……………….?

 

What happens just before ……………………..?

and when……………..then what happens?

If you would like to find out more about this we are running a number of sessions this month:

18th May 2012 9.30am to 12.30 noon Gosport Hampshire

http://thelisteningpostpracticesession.eventbrite.com/

23rd May 2012 7.30pm to 8.30pm Skype

http://thelisteningpostteleclass.eventbrite.com/

I will be posting some details of what is happening when I am selling in a way that feels right and the same for when I am buying over the next few days so please do sign up and we will send you the latest articles.

Thanks for Listening

Please do email your answers I would love to hear more

Sheryl

 

Do I need help just because I talk to myself?

OMG this week I have been so misunderstood, not once, but twice. Someone in my family and someone in my networking group. One thought I was a counsellor and the other thought the kind of referral I was looking for was someone who was not right in the head.

Interesting I thought, as I tried to fathom out, where that interpretation had come from?

I sat back, well actually I didn’t I walked about in a clean space session with my own facilitator, trainer and mentor Marian Way of Clean Learning. By the end of the session I realised ‘why’ I might possibly have been misinterpreted.

First and foremost people have heard me say something, then interpreted that information based on their understanding of the words I used.

I can now see, how that could have been misunderstood but hey if they had just asked me one or two questions they would have understood.

Now in business it is my responsibility to be heard and understood so I now have to/want to, fathom out a way to get my message across so that everyone gets it. Boy that will be fun, when I am so aware they all learn, hear and communicate in different ways.

What I realised is that I had said for a number of weeks both on-line and off-line,

“I help people have more effective discussions with ‘themselves’ and others.”

This of course implies that people talk to themselves which for many people could mean they are mad or insane.

The fact it got me some laughs I ‘thought’ (a big assumption on my part) they related to it. How interesting you see, I often talk to myself. I was so grateful when mobile hands free came out because now when I look up in a traffic queue and someone is watching me talk they assume I am on the phone, but I rarely am.

Yes I talk to myself but more importantly since discovering extreme listening for productive thinking I also listen to myself,  which I believe is the difference  between me and someone who needs the guys in white coats.

So I guess that me talking about people who ‘talk to themselves’ was the trigger for assuming that I am a ‘shrink’ and I work with people who are mad possibly ??? How interesting!

Are you feeling like people really get what you are about?

Are you feeling misunderstood and that you are wasting your time trying to talk?

Do you get frustrated because you don’t understand why other don’t just …..do it?

The great news is that often the solution is so simple. This gap in communication is in schools, homes and businesses all over the world.

People want to be understood and yet they don’t understand how to make that happen?

Step by Step Listening bridge the gap enabling you first and foremost to understand yourself then we share how we did that, so you can learn to understand others. We believe that we can raise the aspirations of whole communities and we would love to start by listening to you.

You can start right now by answering the questions below, I would love if you are kind enough to share your answers, because what is great when everyone shares people learn that everyone is so different. Different is fine, it is interesting and it makes life so much easier if you don’t assume you are like everyone else or even spend your life trying to be.

So here goes if you are up for a little bit of productive thinking time aka time to talk to yourself and you would like to have more effective discussions with others try this.

When you are listening at your best where are you?

Take a moment to record your response

Review it and notice what you notice now ask yourself is there anything else about that?

Chose a word that stands out and ask what kind of is that?

You could carry this on for 5 or 10 minutes.

Then ask when you listen like that then what happens to effective discussions?

Is there anything else about that?

What do you know now about you and listening that you didn’t know a few minutes ago?

What difference does knowing that make?

I am confident if you don’t know now anything new right now that over the next day or so you will recognise when you are not listening at your best and the impact that has and you will notice when you are. This is what happens when you take time to talk to yourself or more importantly listen to what you have to say.

Happy chatting

Thanks for listening

Sheryl

If you would like the FREE REPORT ‘The questions make the difference’ please sign up here www.stepbysteplistening.com

Are you a mum of teens that really would like to be able to listen more effectively to nurture and support your teen check this event out http://springboardformums.eventbrite.com/

If you are a business leader and you want to listen to your team more effectively check this event out http://thelisteningpostteleclass.eventbrite.com/

If you are a Dad and you want an event to communicate with your teens call us now 01329 286648 and we will make it happen

Why Clean Language is great for people in business with Dyslexia

I was reading my mentors blog this week end and I came across this podcast and thought you might like it. There are so many of us with our unique way of managing life and doing things. This interview clearly demonstrates why Clean Language is one of the most powerful ways to support people in business. At Step by Step Listening we have developed Extreme Listening for Productive thinking which is a balance between Clean Language and mentoring. We have also developed the Power Group Model which is structure for discussions and meetings that enables the individuals as a group to focus on what is working and develop solutions to the challenges they face.

Here is the interview and more information about the up and coming teleseminar please do share with anyone you think might be interested.

Thank you for Listening

Sheryl

 

Learn to Listen and Perform at your Best

This weekend I have been learning with the help of Web Chemistry on-line support how to determine the right keywords for my new website and my articles. I have always know that Clean Language the process that we uses helps individuals develop their intrinsic way of doing things and naturally helps them perform at their best. I have always known that we can learn to listen and listen to learn. I have also always known that some of my best ideas come when I take a break. So it is great to come across an article that supports your beliefs. While I was checking out what came up when you searched for ‘perform at best’  in google. I came across this article http://www.science20.com/rogue_neuron/we_perform_best_when_no_one_tells_us_what_do

An interesting read about how it benefits creative thinking to give people a space to not think about things. This is exactly why Power Groups work, you have time to focus on what is working and the outcomes you really want and suddenly all these creative and out of the box ideas have space to pop in.

Have you ever noticed how ideas wake you in the middle of the night or when you are in the shower. There is so much benefit to giving yourself a break. Einstien was renowned for his power naps. Well if you are feeling like you can’t possible stop what if you could have a power group. A dedicated meeting with peers once a month where you can take time to explore and think out of the box. Imagine then what happens to performing at your best.

Thanks for listening

Sheryl

Sometimes a friend’s ear can become your eyes

 

Ever wished you could hear yourself think, ever noticed when someone else has a problem how easy it is to give advice, or make suggestions, have you ever given them advice and thought blimey I should do that too.

Ever noticed that when you get a moment to just get your thoughts out, maybe on paper or chatting to a friend how much clearer things become.

What if you could stop once a month in a dedicated space to off load, gain clarity focus and direction. What if you could have an ear that became your eyes and you did not have to worry about whether they were hurt by what you said or they thought you were being daft. A safe space where you could simply pour your thoughts out so they were in front of you instead of swimming around in your head.

If you could get your thoughts out like that then what happens?

Thanks for listening and being my ears, I now know exactly how to promote our Springboard week end …Power Group Retreats where ears turning to eyes seem happen and no one ‘bats’ an eye lol!!

Sheryl Andrews

Founder, Power Group Facilitator and Trainer

www.stepbysteplistening.com

Listen, Learn and Share

Peer support at its Best

You should you keep your personal life at home when you go to work? True or False

Founder and Power Group Facilitator

In my opinion it is pointless to keep them separate, in fact  it is impossible. You are you and part of both worlds so there cannot be a separate. It is a joke that anyone says we should or could. We are one person and who we are at home is part of who we are at work and vice versa. I agree that we have our professional fronts and we can limit what personal stuff we take to work, how long we talk about it and what specifics we discuss. I also know that for many not thinking about home life and focusing 100% on work can be a coping mechanism. I know when my mum was dying I did not tell anyone apart from my up line manager. That way if I looked sad or tired they didn’t give me sympathy, I didn’t want sympathy I needed work as a distraction.

However this whole ethos of keeping home and work separate is in my opinion a complete waste of valuable resource. That whole process of not telling anyone about my mum was so that I could focus on what I could do in work when I was there, I didn’t volunteer for extra hours ( I couldn’t I wanted to spend every hour I could at the hospital) and I asked for help and I said no to people I might have,  under different circumstance said yes to. I also did not fall into victim role and simply got on with my job.

The process of keeping what was happening in my personal life out of work made me a better manager, not because I did not tell anyone but because I managed my time with home as a priority and it was as simple as that.

In fact it was probably the most productive period of my career at the time. Followed by my most unproductive period, after Mum died I threw myself into work and found myself working ridiculous hours and eventually I reached burn out and left the job completely to set this company up.

Likewise with my role now, running and managing a company from home,  I have learned to listen more effectively and I have designed The Power Group Model which has proved extremely effective in business and very useful at the dinner table with our children.

So there are times and reasons to keep them separate but there has to be space where you can be curious about both and bring the best of you to the ‘party’

So maybe we have to create a space somewhere in our life where we can develop and transfer the skills from one area of our life to another.

I was just reading the book, Kid and Co, it is all about if we treated our children as we treat our customers how much better the relationship would be. It was interesting reading the chapter about the customer is always right. If they come in 5 minutes before closing you stay patient even if you are tired and really want to go home. It asks the question what if you did that when your child asked you for something when the time was a little off for you, then what happens?

So when it is not helpful to discuss personal stuff when at work and loved ones can get sick of hearing about work.

Whereabout is the space for you to explore your strengths and your resources?

Whereabout is the space for you to unravel your own thinking and find solutions that not only suit the business they also suit you personally?

If you are struggling to think of a safe space what would you like to have happen?

If what you are looking for is a really resourceful space where there is the best of who you are at home and the best of who you are at work, imagine if you step into that space for 3/4 hours a month, then what happens?

If you can build a business and a family that is balanced where the 2 kinds of you blend and mix perfectly, then what happens?

What is happening for you right now?

If you don’t have a safe and confidential space to really explore and develop your strengths and discover solutions.  Then please call us now we have monthly Power Group sessions and Power Group Retreats they could be just the space for you.

In the meantime please let us know if you decide to try to approach your children as though they were your clients and even more curious are any of you treating your staff as thoough they are your children?? if so then what happens??

Thank you for listening

Sheryl

Working at a time that feels right that’s like what?….. Going with the flow

Sheryl Andrews Founder and author of this blog

It was like a blinding flash of the obvious when I woke at daft o’clock this morning to write this article. Funny thing is that this seems to be the best time for me to write, having gone to bed about 9pm I am able to wake in the early hours of sunday morning with all the inspiration to write my blogs and of course the peace and quiet of a tranquil home. I find I only do this during the holidays or weekends so it is like my mind knows that when I finish I can go back to bed and sleep for as long as I like.

I have learned over the past few years to notice what is happening when I am at my best and work with it. Now that I know that I write at my best when I have had a sleep then I can almost plan to let that happen. Sometimes if I have to write an article mid-week or at a time I am under pressure I will have a half hour power nap just before. On the whole though I book my diary out with no appointments for every school holiday meaning I have a writing opportunity now every 6 weeks and of course most weekends as I generally keep them free to relax and be with my family and friends. My children being teenagers would rather stay up till 12 midnight and sleep in Sunday morning, my husband is more like the teenagers so for one night at week it works. So the question is have you worked out your own pattern your own rhythm for working at your best.

Whereabouts in a day or a week are you working at your best?

Do you fully understand what you need from yourself and others to work at your best?

One of the reason Mark my husband and business partner decided to join the business and give up doing IT full-time on an employed basis was because the hours they work meant he was not able to work at a time that ensured he was at his best. Mark actually works better if he can get up when he wakes up, go for a run and then work solidly until the job is done. Getting up at 5.30am or 6am is completely against his natural body clock. He is a natural riser at about 8am (he is doing an 4 month IT contract again now helping his old company out and he has really noticed the difference) With the knowledge of what he needs to work at his best he has ensured that despite the early starts he has maintained his fitness and has allowed himself the ability to stay up late and sleep in at the weekends but soon this project will be 7 days a week. Luckily he knows it is only for 4 months so he can manage it successfully. But I wonder how many of you are working at the time that is best for you? It might sound like a tall order, you maybe thinking too many other people and factors influence it, however in my experience pretty much like Mark when you know what you need to work at your best you can adapt your environment to be more suitable than not. Mark can’t change his start time, well actually he can but he worked out that maintaining his fitness levels was the most important factor to maintaining working at his best and therefore it was better to get up early and come home in time for our circuits class at Bishop Waltham at 7.30pm with Belinda Butler every Thursday, to find time to run at least twice a week, than to go in later and come home later. He worked out that if he got home at 6.30pm he could run before dinner but found it hard to manage a run before work even with the later start. There is often many aspects which is why our unique facilitation process is so powerful at helping you unravel all the elements focusing your attention on what matters right now to you.

At Step by Step Listening we work with clients to help them understand what is happening when they are working at their best, of course there are a number of different aspects of working and we do work with a full range from sole traders, small business owners and even parents. Clients often start with a different outcome like when I am running a meeting at my best or when I am parenting at my best or when I am managing my team at my best. The great thing is that when you do this consistently the iterative learning means you can really begin to understand how you work at your best. You will begin to notice patterns that are the same in lots of different environments that is when you really start to know yourself and can play to your own patterns, strengths and natural way of doing things. Life becomes so much easier when you do that, you will gain a sense of going with the flow instead of feeling like you are trying to row up the rapids.

Can I invite you to take a moment and write what ever comes to mind down on a sheet of A4 paper and keep writing without really thinking too much just let the thoughts flow for up to 3 pages. If you find yourself struggling to find anything else to write then look back over the words and select a couple of words you have repeated or that stand out to you and ask yourself:

What kind of ……..is that………? and is there anything else about…….? and then write your thoughts down.

Please do share your experience below I love to hear what is happening.

Thanks for Listening

Sheryl

P.S If you are interested in a certified facilitator working with you to explore this further  we run:

•  Power Journey Retreats (the next one is 30th Mar to 1st April)
•  Power Groups in Hampshire UK face to face and by phone
• The Listening Post (the next one is 20th January 9.30 to 12.30 at our home office)
• Leadership Retreat Breaks (16th July to 20th July and 13th August to 17th August)

We would love to work with you and we are happy for you to book a FREE 30 minute consultation to see if we are the right people for you or if you live locally you can attend the first session of The Listening Post for free simply book by emailing enquiries@stepbysteplistening.com and Billie-Jo and Lisa will be happy to book that for you.

When you look in the mirror what do you see?

Sheryl Andrews Founder and Extreme Listening Facilitator

At Step by Step Listening we are actively helping our clients hear their own thoughts, helping them to understand themself which in turn can help them make decisions that feels right for them.

Being human many of our decisions are influenced by others opinions and thoughts. The only problem is, that sometimes this information takes us off track or steers us away from what instinctively we know to be right for us, right now.

 

How often in your life have you made a decision that just didn’t feel right?

Do you know the kind I mean, when every bone in your body is saying that something is just not quite right, but because someone else or society or parents or children or significant other have implied something your own confidence in the information is blurred. Then you lose sight of why and you are just left with this niggle, a doubt that something just does not quite add up. We spend time with our clients effectively adding up the niggles until they can see the logic to them and understand where they came from. sometimes they discover that the decision is the right one, they simply had to remind them of the steps they took to get there and other times it is not right for them but it might be right for someone else.

That moment when they realise what is happening and why has been called everything from:

• Light bulb moments
• Eureka moment
• ah ha moments

I have at times quite literally watched the weight lift off their shoulders, dissipate into thin air leaving them with new-found clarity and focus, to do what is right for them right now.

The challenge comes when what is right for you is not right for someone who affects either your happiness (say a teenager or a partner) or perhaps someone who affects your success (say staff or your boss)

There is the challenge and that is why we do what we do, we hold the mirror up for you to have a really good look at yourself, and then we get you to have a look in the mirror to see it from the perspective of others. Cool eh!!

Lynda Nel our Social Media Admin Partner discovered the funny video below which sparked off the inspiration for today’s blog. As I watched this I am thinking to myself. These people absolutely know they can’t see themselves and the fact the other person says they can. There is instant bafflement and doubt. Now in this case some doubted the mirror. You will notice the gentlemen was more matter a fact about it.

How do you respond when things don’t seem right?

Are you confident enough to say weird mirror, it is not right or do you take your glasses off and start to doubt your own vision?

You never know someone may simply be telling you what they see from their perspective and although that view-point is valid, it does not necessarily make it right for you.

Enjoy this video

Thank you for Listening

Sheryl Andrews

Struggling with feeling settled about any decisions you have to make or have made then call us now for a FREE 30 mins chat to see if our process could benefit you.

Where does your peer pressure come from?

I have been just astounded recently by the pressure my teenager daughter 16 is under to drink alcohol. People keep telling her she is not a normal teenager. Who do you think this pressure is coming from. You might be surprised to hear the adults. Every time we go out and she just wants coke they make a meal out of it. Last night she went to her first Christmas work do and came home a little tipsy. I asked her if she liked the bitter Shandy she was still drinking as she got in the car and the nose went up. She through the remains away when she got home. You see the sad thing is she loves coke (equally bad for you) and she does not need alcohol to feel great about herself. However quite innocently after a few drinks apparently an adult was asking come on are sure you don’t want something a bit stronger.

So it got me thinking where does your peer pressure come from in business or even in the home?

Like the adult who has had a drink and is trying to persuade another to have a drink, it is not always the right thing for you, just it makes them feel better that you follow their lead.

Now getting drunk might be a slightly easier thing to define, but in business I see this all the time, people saying things like:

I should …. or others say …… it is great to listen to other people’s point of view so long as you can take the point of view on board, reflect and really understand what you would like to have happen and then make an informed decision that is right for you.

One of the things that I have really loved about this year is hearing our clients finish the year saying I am doing my business, on my terms and my way. They feel, in line with the business because they have worked out what they love and how they love to present it and they have often done it in less time, often with less money and less painfully learned some valuable lessons

One client when we started working last year was about to invest in a £3000 marketing strategy. Through the sessions he soon worked out that most of the campaign was not going to really work for his business and by the end of this year, all be it a year later he is now launching a much sleeker system for the new year, that he has every confidence will work. Where as he had doubts about the other one from the start.

What has happened this year while he developed the right marketing strategy he has also increased is day rate, increased his turnover and increased his time off with his family.

So many people waste and/or lose money in business because they don’t listen to themselves well enough.

Others have ideas for solutions but they rarely have YOUR SOLUTION. Only you have the key to the solution that is right for you.

Do you have a clear path to reach your destination?

Do you know when you are de-touring?

How do you know when you are on track or off track?

With a clear plan and someone else watching the map with you, you are more likely to get to where you want to be, in less time and with less expense. But so many people find themselves being pulled from one place to another, they come to a grinding halt not knowing which way to step next.

Are you finding yourself listening to others and then overwhelmed and unsure which way is best? or

Are you listening to yourself with a co-pilot that is just checking your map with you?

Every session with Step by Step Listening allows you the opportunity to really hear your own thoughts, you will begin to trust yourself and make decisions faster and with more confidence.

What would you love to have happen in 2012?

Thanks for listening

Sheryl